Shift 26

Today was a day of firsts.

I had my first code, meaning, it was my patient that was coded. The patient came in from fire rescue, already coding. He was down too long. There wasn't anything we could of done. Unfortunately, he was gone before he got to us. We tried for a while anyway, but nothing we did or would have done would have helped. I didn't do much in my code, there was so many people doing things anyway.

About an hour to an hour and a half later, we had a second code come in. (Another first- 2 codes in one day. If you remember, since I've started working in the ER, there have only been 2 other codes total, and here 2 in one day). In this code I did a lot more since he wasn't my patient. I pushed a whole bunch of meds. I did chest compressions. Unfortunately this patient, too, was gone before he came in, but we worked on him for a little while still.

One patient was in his 70s the other was in his 40s, but with both patients, I was surprised at my lack of emotion. I'm not sure if I should be bothered by this, or if I've just already found a way to compartmentalize my emotions and not let them get to me, or if perhaps none of my code cases have been personal enough yet.

I'm not sure.

Something off topic- last shift, we only had 2 techs, and because we were short handed, and I am typically a floater (meaning, I help wherever help is needed), I had to help transport patients from the ER to the floor where they had been admitted to. While I was bringing a couple of patients there, I took notice of the floors where I had once been a student. I remembered how much I disliked those floors. And I realized how happy I am to be where I am. While I may be stressed with my job at times, maybe even a lot of the time, its better than being stressed AND hating my job. I really like my job. It's interesting and I learn a lot. And with each day I realize how much I do know. And I'm amazed.