Realizing

I think I am realizing.............where I want to "specialize" in.

Going in, I had a good indication I would see myself in either Peds, L&D (Labor and Delivery) or ER. As I've gone through my rotations, I've kept my mind open to new things, just in case. I went through my OB rotation and felt a connection, just like I had thought. Lately, however, I have been feeling this pull towards critical care- mostly ER/Trauma.

Actually, more than a pull. I REALLY feel like this is me. When I think of the words "ER" and "Trauma" I just feel such a passionate need to be there. Thing is, I haven't even had my ER day yet.

So I suppose that I cannot yet be 100% certain that is where I see myself ending up, but it is a strong opinion that my heart has been right all along.

As I think back on L&D- it is still an awesome field and I really do love seeing babies! I'm just not really sure why I feel more of a pull to ER/Trauma than L&D.

I just know that wherever I am, I want to help others and make a difference.

And I like adrenaline, just a little bit. :)

Back to the Grind

I sit here the night before I begin my final semester of nursing school and a wave of emotions invade my mind. My final semester. Where exactly did the time go?

I'm excited. I've wanted this for such a long time, it's hard to believe I'm almost there.

I'm stressed. So much reading to do and I'm already behind. Time management has never been my forte.

I'm nervous. I know that I can do this, but there's always a small part of me that worries, "What if I don't pass?" (I have to say, though, after that last class I took, passing that helps me believe that I can just about do anything)

I'm relieved. The end is finally in sight.

I'm apprehensive. What if I don't do well as a nurse? What if I don't like it? I still feel as if I have barely scratched the surface with all there is to know, even though I know a lot more than I ever did before I started school. There's a lot of responsibility with the title....am I really ready?

I'm a little sad/scared mix. I have been a stay-at-home-mom for over 8 years now. Eight years of freedom to do what I want, when I want. When I graduate, I will have to go back to work for the first time in, by that time, 9 years. Nearly a decade. That's a BIG change. I will miss being able to jump at the drop of a hat to do whatever. I think this hit me hard realizing that this last Christmas could be my last Christmas off with family in a while. This is something that will take a while to get used to.

I'm enthusiastic. To finally have steady income and health insurance. Good health insurance.

I'm optimistic. I am hoping for the best job. One where I love to work, so that it's as if I am not working at all. I know for some, that seems like a dream, but in reality, I am just hoping I love what I do so much, more so than just having a "great job." I have hope that it will be everything I have looked forward to all these years.

I'm ready. I think.

Wrapping up Ortho/Neuro

This class is done, and has been done since last Monday- thank goodness! I'm not sure how much longer I could tolerate the teacher.

Unfortunately, she is the worst professor (if I should even call her "professor") that I have ever encountered. She is rude, she would never admit she is wrong, she confuses herself during lecture, she doesn't know what she's teaching, she often contradicts the book during her lectures, her exams are just ridiculous and she is just overall mean, unless she likes you.

I am so glad to be out of her class. It was by far the most difficult and I am so thankful I did so well on the first exam and decent enough on the second exam to where I only needed to get 57 on the final to pass the class. I ended up getting a 72 on the final. That actually was a failing grade- C is 73-82. But it was enough to pass me and that's all that matters.

There was a lot of people who needed grades in the 70's on the final to pass. Some did it, some did not. A lot did not actually. If I had to guess, about 1/3 of the class failed. Even my clinical instructor said that if so many people are failing her class, semester after semester, doesn't that tell you it's not the students? I counted at least 25 students that took this class last semester that were retaking it now with me and I would say about that failed the course this time. Very sad. And makes me VERY grateful I was able to come out of this class alive and kicking. I can't even imagine having to sit through this lady's lectures and exams for another semester. Talk about torture.

My clinical instructor on the other hand was amazing. She really got us to think but in a non-intimidating environment. She was gentle and kind but didn't hold our hands- which is what we don't need. We need to be able to handle things on our own and think about things ourselves, but she never made us feel stupid or scared or imcompetent if we didn't know the answer.

I think all instructors need to take a course from her in how to handle students. Like I said, we don't need someone to hold our hands, we just need someone to believe in us. She did that, and it made a difference.

So next up- Cardio. This is a mixture of cardiology and respiratory problems, and a few endocrine issues. This is basically the last "stressful" course I will be taking, and once I am out of this course, the next one is just writing papers and doing projects and pretty much it is unheard of to fail that course. I will have 3 exams in the Cardio class and 1 exam in the last class, and then I am done.

Done.

Wow. Never thought I would reach that point. It seemed like such a far off goal, but now it's so close. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Four months and 11ish days left. Wow.

O/N Exam 2 and Other Mumbo Jumbo

Exam 2, not as well as Exam 1. While I am happy that I passed, I was disappointed with my grade at first. I felt like the amount of hours I put into studying did not reflect in my grade at all. I got a 78 which is about a middle C. C is 73-82, so I was right smack dab in the middle. Not that low, middle or high C matter......a C is a C is a C no matter what.

I have 2.5 weeks left and then 3 weeks off. I cannot wait. I need that break after this class, let me tell you.

Everyone I talk to is in agreement, this is by far the most difficult course to date. The teacher makes things more difficult then they have to be, and it would probably be a decent course if there was a good teacher teaching it. But it is what it is and unfortunately, for some, it seems they will be repeating this course. I need a 57 on the final to pass, so I am fairly confident I will be moving on, but I am not going to take that for granted. I am going to study like the 87 I need to get a B will be what I need to pass, just so that I don't wind up getting a 56 somehow, which in this class is highly possible. I am, however, planning on moving on to Cardio in January. I am looking forward to that course. The heart has always fascinated me. I did spend 3 years working for 2 different cardiology doctor's offices. In A&P, it was really peaked my interest because I had learned more about it. I'm excited.

Clinical has been going well so far. Nothing super exciting, yet. We are allowed to start IV's this semester, however, there have not been any to start. This past week I had my ICU day, which was pretty interesting. My nurse's patients weren't that complicated and one even got discharged to a medical floor about halfway through my time there. I did get to do some things that I normally do with my instructor alone, so that was pretty exciting, and I almost got to start an IV but my nurse was unsure she was going to even do it herself because the patient was a hard stick. But I like the ICU, so that's up there in my interests. Three hospital days left and this clinical is over.

So that's all I have to say for now. Super busy. Exam in 2 weeks and 2 days. Lots of reading and studying to do until then.

Stay tuned........

So Very........

Busy. Have had 2 clinical days so far. But I am just sooooooo busy with my lecture class it is crazy. I hope to blog more about it soon. I have a test on Monday that is composed of a ridiculous amount of information that I am not sure how it is humanly possible to even remember all this stuff, so I am pretty stressed out at the moment.

Until then.......

Ortho/Neuro Exam 1

I passed. Whew. Actually, I even got a B. An 84 to be exact. I came out of the test feeling fairly confident, but once other students started coming out and voicing how hard and ridiculous they thought the test was, my confidence slowly started diminishing. Then two of the students who have consistently earned the highest grades in all the classes came out and said they weren't even sure they passed, I really started to worry. Person after person talked about how hard it was. Maybe I didn't do as well as I thought I did after all.

And then came the wait.

Usually my classes are in the morning, 9-12. On a test day, we'd be out by 11:30 and grades would be up by 12:30-1. This class is 1-4, and the teacher said the grades would be posted between 5-8pm. So we waited. And waited. And waited. And finally at 7:30pm there they were.

I didn't know right away. At first I got a phone call from a friend asking me how I did. I told her I didn't even know they were up and as I was checking my grade I asked her how she did.

She failed.

I felt so bad. I mean what do you say to someone when they tell you they got a 66 and you are looking at your 84? And she is a smart person, too. It's just sad to see these things happen to people, where they have to withdraw or they fail a class and have to retrack. It happens to so many, and could easily happen to me. I'm not out of the woods yet. I still have 2 more exams to go, but it always makes things much easier when you start off strong.

For now, I can breathe. Just a little bit.

Today

I registered for my last semester of nursing school! At times, I can't even believe how fast this has flown by. It's been a crazy and amazing journey so far and it's certainly not over yet. But it's getting there........